


Gesture

by vass



Category: Imperial Radch Series - Ann Leckie
Genre: Ancillary Sword spoilers, Hugs, Other
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-09-05
Updated: 2015-09-05
Packaged: 2018-04-19 02:44:44
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,209
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4729838
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/vass/pseuds/vass
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p><em>Mercy of Kalr</em> misses having ancillaries, but human soldiers can be unexpectedly kind.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Gesture

**Author's Note:**

> I wrote most of this before AL released the first three chapters of _Ancillary Mercy_. It takes place during _Ancillary Sword_ , and does not contain spoilers for _Ancillary Mercy_. As far as I can tell there were only Amaats and Bos on the shuttle, but I decided that since Medic does have half of Kalr decade assigned to her, she might as well have brought one or two assistants along. Thank you to kaberett, for reading and giving comments.  <3

"Oh," Kalr Twelve says. _Mercy of Kalr_ , monitoring as always, detects anxiety in her, but also pleasure and curiosity. "I didn't know, Ship."

 _You weren't meant to,_ Ship thinks. But that's the odd thing about having soldiers. They're not the same as officers, and they certainly aren't ancillaries. One can like them without being compelled to, and they don't have the same life and death power over one, and therefore don't need need to be protected from reality as much. And they aren't one's own bodies, which know everything one knows... but they have a way of finding things out all the same.

"Know what, Twelve?" This must be why nine out of ten officers or human troops who'd been hit in the mouth would, on their way to Medic, keep prodding their loose teeth with their tongues, as if to see if it still hurt. Ship had always wondered about that.

"You like her," Kalr Twelve says.  
Ship considers a range of responses, but can't choose.  
Twelve makes an apologetic gesture. "Don't worry, I won't tell anyone." A real sacrifice: Twelve is very fond of gossiping. But she likes to be trusted too, and wouldn't share real secrets.  
"Thank you, Twelve," Ship says.

"She's... definitely good at shooting," Twelve says encouragingly. "And I suppose you know her in ways we can't."  
Ship gives no reply.  
"Is she always this angry?" Twelve says tentatively.

"I haven't known her very long," Ship says. It suspects Breq is this angry most of the time. Can't really blame her for it. "But I can tell you, she's not like her predecessor."  
Some of the soldiers have quietly been saying their new captain is exactly the same as the old captain. Ship would have liked to protect Breq from that information, but she needs to know.

*

Kalr Twelve is on watch with Medic when it happens, which means she's one of Medic's assistants for the rescue attempt, on the shuttle with Lieutenant Seivarden and Amaat decade. She also happened to be standing near enough to hear Lieutenant Seivarden, putting Lieutenant Ekalu in command before leaving with the shuttle, say quietly "Trust me, you don't want to be the one responsible when Fleet Captain finds out." And there was a tiny quaver in her voice.

They cut a hole -- a bigger one -- in the dome. As quickly as they can without killing everyone down there. Lieutenant Seivarden keeps drumming her fingers on her leg when she thinks no one's looking. Twelve can't help thinking of the station where she was born. She's never seen damage on this scale before, not close up like this. She's a soldier, yes, but on a little patrol ship after the end of the annexations. It's not the same.

It's better once they're in action and she has something to do, helping to bring in the _Atagaris_ captain and ancillary (she's never been close enough to one to touch before) and the Horticulturalist and Lieutenant Tisarwat (half-drowned and miserable all through) and her Bos, and finally Sir, who insists on being last, stiff and blank-faced and with her arm not right at all.

And then when the emergency's over and Twelve starts to hope she'll have a chance to sit still and catch her breath, she watches Sir somehow shoot through _Atagaris_ ' captain's armor, then use her as a hostage against the ship, and _then_... "I used another name when I knew her, and that name was _Justice of Toren_." Twelve holds on tight to the nearest handhold and hopes she'll wake up soon, until (thank Amaat) Lieutenant Seivarden breaks the silence and starts giving her Amaats orders to follow, something to look at other than Sir's face and how it's without expression but you can see _everything_ in it right now.

*

Later, when she has a moment to talk to Ship, she wants to ask _did you know?_ then realizes that of course Ship did, so instead she asks "Is that why? Why you like her so much?"  
"That's part of it," Ship says.

Twelve thinks about Sir being like Ship, something that big and complex and old, and then losing it all, and it's too vast a thought, she needs something practical to do.  
"Ship, can I help?"  
"With what, Twelve?"

But Ship knows. Has sometimes before moved the soldiers around like they were what they pretended to be: _Twelve, Eleven needs a hug,_ or _Nine, rub Twelve's shoulders for her._ Little things. Always people who would be comfortable touching each other, if they knew it was welcome.

"Are you sure, Twelve? You're not still afraid of the fleet captain?"  
"You trust her," Twelve says firmly.  
"All right then. If you're willing to help, Fleet Captain's in Medical and needs a hug. I'll prompt you when you're there."

*

Sir is propped up against the back of the bed, eyes closed, her head tilted back slightly. Her left arm is covered in a corrective and no longer looks sickeningly wrong. She looks smaller than usual, and exhausted, maybe asleep. Twelve thinks of corpses, and hastily stops herself. She concentrates instead on what a stupid idea this is, and how perhaps this will be the time when Ship's judgement is wrong and Twelve gets her head bitten off.

Ship prods her forward, and Twelve walks up to the bed like she's supposed to be here, when without warning Sir's eyes are open. So Twelve does what she's told.

Sir doesn't bite her head off, but she does want to ask questions. Of her, not Ship. That's frightening.

"Please don't tell me it doesn't matter because you don't really think of me as an ancillary." And what is Twelve supposed to say to that?  
_Go ahead, Twelve,_ Ship says in her ear. _You won't be in trouble for answering honestly._  
_That wasn't fair,_ Twelve replies by gesture.  
_Tell her,_ Ship insists.

So Twelve does, and Sir isn't angry at all, which is somehow even more frightening. And she seems to understand why the Mercy of Kalrs do what they do. Which is embarrassing too, to be understood. _It's for Ship,_ Twelve reminds herself. Twelve has done more foolish things for friendship before now.

Besides, Sir is so alone. Twelve never really believed Lieutenant Seivarden was kneeling to her, not past that first week. She's so self-contained. _Who would have thought I'd ever feel sorry for the captain of this ship?_ she thinks.

Sir gives her one of those long flat stares and then, slightly awkwardly, allows herself to be hugged.

Twelve holds Sir carefully, stiff and uncomfortable in her arms, and Ship gives her words to say, words that are a tacit admission. Her arm's going numb, and her uniform jacket is getting wet, but she's not going to complain, ancillaries don't complain, although her uniform jacket... is Sir...?

"Twelve's arm is getting uncomfortable," Sir says, and Ship adds _that's enough, Twelve,_ and Sir wipes her face like nothing out of the ordinary just happened.

Returning to the Kalr bunk room, Twelve is glad of her promise not to gossip about Ship, because if she had to share this, she isn't sure the others would understand it. And if even they would, how would she find the words for it?


End file.
